Fatherless child

I do consider myself to be fatherless because my dad hasn’t been in my life he was in jail like my entire childhood he then got out for a little while and then went back it’s like he loved being in there and couldn’t survive without it without him in my life I do feel like I missed out on a lot talks and life lessons that only a father can teach a son now I don’t feel like if I had him in my life that maybe I wouldn’t be gay because clearly being gay is not a choice but I do feel like if he was in my life maybe I wouldn’t be feminine but now that I am an adult I realize that it’s his loss not mine I grew up to actually be a somebody although I’m sure he sitting around not even acknowledging that he has a son to other people and that’s ok I’m alright and I will continue to be alright

Horrible day

So I woke up insanely excited because it was spirit week I was in kindergarten and I was always so excited to dress up like an odd ball and be the center of attention that has always been my thing even to this day so I got up put on some cute shorts and shirt and it was hat day so I went in my closet and found the craziest hat I could the hat was spiky different colors like a rainbow and had small bells at the end of every spike so it rang like every time I walked now I had no idea I was in for the day I’m about to tell you about it started at the bus stop now there was every age group there from middle school to high school and everybody stared pointed yes I said pointed and laughed very loudly I really didn’t pay it any attention I just shrugged and laughed it off I got on the bus and walked to my seat while the bus driver gave me this “go home and change” look it was so crazy I then proceed to go to school and walk in the class the teacher was drinking coffee she sees me and the spit her coffee off and hold her hand over her mouth so that she doesn’t laugh out loud then she says nice hat sol while walking out the door I hear her say to another teacher “he looks like a carney maybe he should go work at the circus” now I know what your thinking why didn’t you just take the hat off I really didn’t want to take it iff because I wanted to be apart of hat day and have some sense of belonging so let me shorten this blog because I can type all day I then proceed to go to PE lunch and recess I walked in the cafeteria everybody from grades K-4 grade laughed at me that was a lot of laugher they even made remarks like “he looks like an idiot” it was so humiliating I was already being bullied so the hat really gave the bullies something else to laugh at right when I got ready to take the hat off and throw it away the two main bullies that loved to pick on me came from behind me pushed me down on the floor took my hat and they both stretched it out between them and ripped it in half I was very mad but not because if the hat but because the teacher allowed stuff like this to happen all the time but that’s another blog for another day I just went to my seat and hung my head in shame while the class including the teacher laughed about my hat so yea this day was a complete disaster I really don’t know how I survived elementary school it’s actually shocking wait until you hear my other stories it’s going to make your mouth drop or cry like I did which I actually did a lot of

Early childhood

Growing up for me was horrible I was of course bullied by kids in my class but worse then that older adults and even family members I could never understand why I was picked on so much until I was older see I am kind of a feminine male I have always been and the crazy thing about it is I have no idea how I became this way I figured it was because I didn’t really have a dad in my life and that would make sense but I did have a male figure I had my big brother and I had a step dad but that’s a story for another blog I loved to fist fight, wrestle, and even play football. But some how I still became this little high pitched voice twitching sometimes little boy and other boys and some girls hated it so of course you know what they did beat me up! Oh yea I was constantly getting pushed punched jumped on the playground and even lied on so you could just imagine I hated going to school as a matter of fact I was terrified and my blogs are going to tell you why so keep reading and drop comments

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